Moving around

Looking for a new house to live in is becoming abit of a ballache. Probably should have started looking around abit earlier.
It seems that whenever we set up a viewing, the house always gets taken before we can even look. Not cool.

Apart from moving house, i've also found that I enjoy walking alot more now. Nothing better than getting wrapped up nice and warm, plugging in the iPod, and going for a random walk to nowhere. Very good for cleansing the soul.
Might start doing this abit more often, help me find some inner peace?

Wouldn't mind doing some camping either. Getting a tent, some supplies and stuff in a backpack, and just going walking for abit. When I get tired, pitch the tent, then get up and move on the next day. Definately would enjoy a week doing that. A summer plan perhaps? Might have to go Bear Grylls all up in that shit

Assignments are creeping up again. Should probably make a start on them soon. Lacking motivation again. Just got to think of the positives at the end of the tunnel to get me through. Hopefully a good couple of nights coming up, lots of opportunities to make new friends and have a good time!

Thought I might leave you some pictures for some extra lols. Enjoy!

Needed this weekend

No matter how many times I say i'm going to get back into my regular blogging, it always escapes me.
Not going to promise to do it this time, however, I will try and get back into updating here abit more often.

Had a nice chilled out weekend, just sleeping, relaxing and playing Saints Row 3 (amazing game). Needed some time to get over the past couple of weeks.
Thought I was going to lose it on Thursday, everything got on top of me, nearly sent me right over the edge.
Overall, a pretty crappy week, but life goes on.

Been parading around in my Gi quite abit, doing some stretching, and practicing some moves. I love wearing it, makes me feel good. Can't wait to get some colour on there though! Roll on the new year.

I've also realised how much stuff I want to buy, if only I had the money...
If some kind hearted billionaire who fancies donating a million to my cause is reading this, feel free to leave me a comment.

My hospital appointment is drawing ever closer, and the apprehension and nerves are starting to build. I just want to hear the verdict, and find out how fucked I am, so I can get on with living with what little remaining use of my eyes I have.

I've also realised I need to man up, and get shit done. Thats what I'm going to do this week, man up and get shit done.

It's not even funny anymore

Second time i've been fucked over by someone. I fail to see the funny side of it now.

Why can't people just being fucking straight with me, and tell me shit to my face, instead of just ignoring me?

Too much to ask?

A good couple of days

Considering my underlying mood, i've had a good couple of days recently.
Allow me to elaborate:

On Tuesday, my parents came up to visit, which really lifted my mood. They also brought me a fancy bottle of aftershave from duty free. Pretty good day all round.
On Thursday, I managed to get my name down on the enuiry fieldtrip that I wanted to go on, despite the limited number of places. Fantastic news.
Yesterday, I received delivery of my vintage watch that I treated myself to when my student loan came in (Pictures later).
I also took part in Geography Ambassador Training yesterday, and have already started setting up a visit to my old school in Bewdley. It'll be good if I get to go back and see all the old faces. In the process, i'll also aquire an awesome "I LOVE GEOGRAPHY" T-shirt, and if I do enough visits, i'll also get a "I LOVE GEOGRAPHY" hoodie.
Happy days.

I've treated myself again today. Although I currently don't drink, i've bought myself a fancy bottle for when I do decide to start drinking again. (Pictures later..)
Made myself feel really sophisticated when I went through the check out with it. Had a nice chat to the woman about having expensive tastes. That made me laugh a little.
Also, if I decide I still don't want to drink, I can always give it away as a present. It does look pretty swanky!

After some contemplation, i've come to the conclusion that I wish i'd started learning Karate earlier. I've noticed that since i've started, and after losing the weight, that my confidence has grown considerably. I'd currently give anything to go back to when I was younger, knowing what I know now. I think i'd have enjoyed school alot more, made more friends and generally be happier.
Hindsight is a beautiful thing.

Definately considering making a new blog, perhaps with a more appropriate title, one that reflects me more.
Maybe then i'll be more inclined to update it more often.

x

I've become a student!

It's taken me well over 3 years, but I think i've finally cracked it.
I stayed a whole hour after my lecture today to consolodate my notes, to make it easier for me to do my assignment. I'm even doing extra reading, and planning reports! What the fuck has happened to me?

I've coasted my way through life, doing the bare minimum to get by, but something over the past few days has clicked in my head, and i've finally found some motivation to do well, strive for the best and "be all I can be".
Couldn't have come a second too soon really, I actually want to do well now.
Maybe it's something to do with the company I keep now? Or the fact that i've realised now i'm in second year, i've actually got to do some work. Either way, i'm getting a decent nights sleep, writing up lecture notes, planning assignments.
I actually shock myself sometimes.

I've been neglecting updating here recently, mainly because i've had some really dodgy stuff on my mind, keeping me down.
I've recently been given some pretty shocking news, that has fucked with me quite alot. And whilst I keep my game face on well when i'm in public, it's actually tearing me up abit.
Now i've been getting letters from relevant people, and i'm starting to get abit scared.
I don't openly admit to being scared about much, but i'm actually scared now.
The other day, I even contemplated starting drinking again. I was so very tempted to buy a bottle of brandy, but decided that drinking wasn't going to help anything, especially considering the frame of mind i'm in at the moment.

I've a few things to look forward to though. Apart from the issue i'm dealing with, lifes been looking up for me for a change.
Got my awesome vintage watch in the post to me. It'll be awesome when that arrives.
I've also realised that i've got alot more friends than I originally thought. It's amazing how many people you realise actually care when you need someone to talk to.
I've also been getting on quite well with Karate. Whilst I know it's still early days, i'm getting quite alot of positive comments from sensei, which is a real confidence booster.

In general, pretty mixed up with my emotions recently. Have my good days and my bad days, but life goes on.
Just got to keep on moving, getting on with everything, and staying positive.

Double pictures today - Just for you!

Have I changed?

Thats a question that has been rolling around my head for quite a while now, and when I think about it, the answer is yes. I've changed quite abit.

Not only has my appearance changed dramatically since this time last year, my personality has changed too. I'm less of a closed box, shy person. I like to think I put myself out there abit more now, and am a more approachable person to talk to.
I've already started to notice that when I walk, I walk abit prouder, not ashamed about myself.
As another way of putting it, I refer to a quote I heard from someone a while back. "Nuts on the road". Lay whatever i've got out and just go for it. Why the fuck not?

I've recently started doing Karate properly, at a local club. I've always been interested in martial arts, especially from an early age, but never had the motivation or the facilities to do so. So i've been really lucky finding this club. I already know that it's something I want to do. I think this and perhaps one other thing are the activities I want to persue properly.
That other thing being music. I'm not good at writing songs, infact I'm fucking awful at writing songs. But I think if I worked with the right person/people, i've possibly got the potential and the ability to atleast fulfill my expectaions from my music. Now all i've got to do is find the right people, though i've already got some people in mind...

I've just realised that everything i've just written wont make much grammatical sense, but fuck it, I cant be arsed to go back and sort it all out now.
I've also realised how much i've been neglecting my blog. I think the title of the blog has really put me off. I might have to either rename the blog, or just start a new one. The title really doesn't reflect my feelings at the moment. (I'll keep you posted on that decision).

Uni is starting again soon, I'm happier and more confident, things are looking up!
I really cant wait for the next few weeks - they're going to be mint!

It's been a while, some big changes

As the title suggests, it's been a while since i've posted here. Should really get back into the habit of updating this more frequently. It'll atleast give me something to do on these long days where i've got fuck all to do.

Some of you may be wondering what i've been doing recently? Not much, to be honest, but there have been a few activities to keep me from going insane.
On the Saturday just gone, I did my first shift as an agency worker, which was pretty cool. It really helped me build up my confidence when meeting new people, by throwing me right out of my comfort zone. I also earned a fair wad of tips. Winner!
Whilst I shouldn't be proud of this, I've been playing alot of CoD online. This isn't a particuarly commendable activity, but it has appeased my boredom, and made me realise a few things.
That age old saying "practice makes perfect" is actually true. I've noticed myself getting better at it, getting a better score in each game, using different weapon combinations.
There is only really one thing I can take from this though, that being that if you put enough time and energy into something, you really will start to see results.
I had another realisation of this today during my asthma review at the doctors. The lovely doctor decided to check my height and weight, which initially I was a little concerned about. To my surprise, I heard some fantastic results, which has really renewed my outlook on everything I do, or decide to do in life.
Since my last weight check at the doctors, which was just before christmas, I have lost 33kg (approx 5st)
The last time I weighed myself at the gym, before I went home for the summer, I was 95kg (approx 14st 8 Ounces)
When the doctor weighed me today, I was 83kg (approx 13st)
 For the first time in my life, I'm genuinely proud of myself.
 There is still alot more work to be done, but it again shows that if you really put effort into something, you really do see results.   

 This somehow ties in quite closely to my thoughts recently, in the fact that i'm not really good at anything.
I've been trying to put my life into perspective, and think of things that i'm really good at. While I can list loads of things that I can do, I can't think of any that i'm really good at. And then when I think of my friends, and the things that immediately pop into my head is everything that they're really good at.
It makes me sad to think that my life hasn't got a particular direction; a lack of focus. I need to choose one of the things that I can do, and put more effort into it, so I can look back on my life, and think of all the things i've acheived while persuing it.
Choosing one thing to persue is going to be difficult. I might need help with that decision.
I'd like to say that this is going to be the turning point in my life, but I don't want to make that promise to myself.
What I can say this is, is the point at which I get the motivation to finally do something to make myself happier, to make myself good at something, and to make people proud of me for once.

In summary, i'm going to give myself a serious kick up the arse to get on and do something worthwhile with my short amount of time on this blessed Earth.