Thats a question that has been rolling around my head for quite a while now, and when I think about it, the answer is yes. I've changed quite abit.
Not only has my appearance changed dramatically since this time last year, my personality has changed too. I'm less of a closed box, shy person. I like to think I put myself out there abit more now, and am a more approachable person to talk to.
I've already started to notice that when I walk, I walk abit prouder, not ashamed about myself.
As another way of putting it, I refer to a quote I heard from someone a while back. "Nuts on the road". Lay whatever i've got out and just go for it. Why the fuck not?
I've recently started doing Karate properly, at a local club. I've always been interested in martial arts, especially from an early age, but never had the motivation or the facilities to do so. So i've been really lucky finding this club. I already know that it's something I want to do. I think this and perhaps one other thing are the activities I want to persue properly.
That other thing being music. I'm not good at writing songs, infact I'm fucking awful at writing songs. But I think if I worked with the right person/people, i've possibly got the potential and the ability to atleast fulfill my expectaions from my music. Now all i've got to do is find the right people, though i've already got some people in mind...
I've just realised that everything i've just written wont make much grammatical sense, but fuck it, I cant be arsed to go back and sort it all out now.
I've also realised how much i've been neglecting my blog. I think the title of the blog has really put me off. I might have to either rename the blog, or just start a new one. The title really doesn't reflect my feelings at the moment. (I'll keep you posted on that decision).
Uni is starting again soon, I'm happier and more confident, things are looking up!
I really cant wait for the next few weeks - they're going to be mint!
Thursday, 29 September 2011
Tuesday, 13 September 2011
It's been a while, some big changes
As the title suggests, it's been a while since i've posted here. Should really get back into the habit of updating this more frequently. It'll atleast give me something to do on these long days where i've got fuck all to do.
Some of you may be wondering what i've been doing recently? Not much, to be honest, but there have been a few activities to keep me from going insane.
On the Saturday just gone, I did my first shift as an agency worker, which was pretty cool. It really helped me build up my confidence when meeting new people, by throwing me right out of my comfort zone. I also earned a fair wad of tips. Winner!
Whilst I shouldn't be proud of this, I've been playing alot of CoD online. This isn't a particuarly commendable activity, but it has appeased my boredom, and made me realise a few things.
That age old saying "practice makes perfect" is actually true. I've noticed myself getting better at it, getting a better score in each game, using different weapon combinations.
There is only really one thing I can take from this though, that being that if you put enough time and energy into something, you really will start to see results.
I had another realisation of this today during my asthma review at the doctors. The lovely doctor decided to check my height and weight, which initially I was a little concerned about. To my surprise, I heard some fantastic results, which has really renewed my outlook on everything I do, or decide to do in life.
Since my last weight check at the doctors, which was just before christmas, I have lost 33kg (approx 5st)
The last time I weighed myself at the gym, before I went home for the summer, I was 95kg (approx 14st 8 Ounces)
When the doctor weighed me today, I was 83kg (approx 13st)
For the first time in my life, I'm genuinely proud of myself.
There is still alot more work to be done, but it again shows that if you really put effort into something, you really do see results.
This somehow ties in quite closely to my thoughts recently, in the fact that i'm not really good at anything.
I've been trying to put my life into perspective, and think of things that i'm really good at. While I can list loads of things that I can do, I can't think of any that i'm really good at. And then when I think of my friends, and the things that immediately pop into my head is everything that they're really good at.
It makes me sad to think that my life hasn't got a particular direction; a lack of focus. I need to choose one of the things that I can do, and put more effort into it, so I can look back on my life, and think of all the things i've acheived while persuing it.
Choosing one thing to persue is going to be difficult. I might need help with that decision.
I'd like to say that this is going to be the turning point in my life, but I don't want to make that promise to myself.
What I can say this is, is the point at which I get the motivation to finally do something to make myself happier, to make myself good at something, and to make people proud of me for once.
In summary, i'm going to give myself a serious kick up the arse to get on and do something worthwhile with my short amount of time on this blessed Earth.
Some of you may be wondering what i've been doing recently? Not much, to be honest, but there have been a few activities to keep me from going insane.
On the Saturday just gone, I did my first shift as an agency worker, which was pretty cool. It really helped me build up my confidence when meeting new people, by throwing me right out of my comfort zone. I also earned a fair wad of tips. Winner!
Whilst I shouldn't be proud of this, I've been playing alot of CoD online. This isn't a particuarly commendable activity, but it has appeased my boredom, and made me realise a few things.
That age old saying "practice makes perfect" is actually true. I've noticed myself getting better at it, getting a better score in each game, using different weapon combinations.
There is only really one thing I can take from this though, that being that if you put enough time and energy into something, you really will start to see results.
I had another realisation of this today during my asthma review at the doctors. The lovely doctor decided to check my height and weight, which initially I was a little concerned about. To my surprise, I heard some fantastic results, which has really renewed my outlook on everything I do, or decide to do in life.
Since my last weight check at the doctors, which was just before christmas, I have lost 33kg (approx 5st)
The last time I weighed myself at the gym, before I went home for the summer, I was 95kg (approx 14st 8 Ounces)
When the doctor weighed me today, I was 83kg (approx 13st)
For the first time in my life, I'm genuinely proud of myself.
There is still alot more work to be done, but it again shows that if you really put effort into something, you really do see results.
This somehow ties in quite closely to my thoughts recently, in the fact that i'm not really good at anything.
I've been trying to put my life into perspective, and think of things that i'm really good at. While I can list loads of things that I can do, I can't think of any that i'm really good at. And then when I think of my friends, and the things that immediately pop into my head is everything that they're really good at.
It makes me sad to think that my life hasn't got a particular direction; a lack of focus. I need to choose one of the things that I can do, and put more effort into it, so I can look back on my life, and think of all the things i've acheived while persuing it.
Choosing one thing to persue is going to be difficult. I might need help with that decision.
I'd like to say that this is going to be the turning point in my life, but I don't want to make that promise to myself.
What I can say this is, is the point at which I get the motivation to finally do something to make myself happier, to make myself good at something, and to make people proud of me for once.
In summary, i'm going to give myself a serious kick up the arse to get on and do something worthwhile with my short amount of time on this blessed Earth.
Wednesday, 31 August 2011
The Times they have a Changed.
As I mentioned in my last post, there was something going down today that I was keeping secret, so it could be a surprise for my mom.
Essentially, I couldn't be arsed to wait for September to keep the surprise going, so i've revealed it, and now I can reveal it to you too.
Escuse the poor quality picture, as it was taken on my phone, but i've chopped off the hair!
Going to spend some time messing with it, getting to how I like it, but there it is.
It feels really fucking wierd to not have it blowing in the wind, and to be able to see bits of my ears. Time for a stretcher perhaps?
Let me know what you think!
Essentially, I couldn't be arsed to wait for September to keep the surprise going, so i've revealed it, and now I can reveal it to you too.
Escuse the poor quality picture, as it was taken on my phone, but i've chopped off the hair!
Going to spend some time messing with it, getting to how I like it, but there it is.
It feels really fucking wierd to not have it blowing in the wind, and to be able to see bits of my ears. Time for a stretcher perhaps?
Let me know what you think!
Sunday, 28 August 2011
The times they are a changin'...
I've not been listening to Bob Dylan, but I feel the next few days are going to be a real turning point in my life.
For those of you that already know whats going down, keep it a surprise for everyone else. I'm sure certain people I know will shit themselves with happiness when they find out whats going on...
With the time that i've had by myself to think, i've been setting myself some goals to acheive. Most of them I probably wont actually reach, but at the time I thought I needed something to aim towards. At the moment, I feel like i'm a lost sheep, wandering around with no real aim in my life.
I need to find something i'm good at, and pour all my energy into it, so I can actually acheive something worthwhile in my life.
If you hadn't noticed, i've been in one of those deep thinking, soul searching kind of moods...
I haven't filled people in with what i've been up to recently. Probably because it's been a whole lot of fuck all...
To tell the truth, i've been applying for jobs, going to interviews, getting rejected and playing golf. Nothing too exciting, but I thought i'd let you know anyway.
It's also been a while since i've had a good rant. Finally, i've found something that has significantly pissed me off enough to make me rage.
Todays rant topic is: People with prams.
I admire people who have children, as it is something I too want to do in the future. I also have no problems with parents taking their children out shopping, or for a walk. It's infact a beautiful sight to see mother and baby out in the sun bonding.
However, what I do have a problem with is when they come out in gangs of about 5 of them, walking side by side down the pavement, as slow as humanly possible, making it impossible for those of us walking at a normal pace to get past.
Instead, I have to walk into the road, dodging double-decker busses and taxis, just to continue with my day without killing either myself, or the people infront of me.
Would it be too much to ask for these people to walk either abit quicker, or not side by side across the pavement, so people can get past them without having to walk into the road? I think not.
They even manage to piss me off when the child comes out of the pram and can walk. Some don't seem to care where the fuck their child runs, but then shouts at me when they start crying because they didn't look where the fuck it was running, and ran straight into me.
If they're going to have a child, atleast fucking control it when it's in a public place. (Easier said than done, I know, but atleast try to make an effort).
Rant over.
Hopefully going to start updating this abit more often. I feel i've been neglecting this recently. I'm disappointed in myself..
I remember one of my original posts on here, with a picture of a man who had used cats to replace his missing facial hair. Here is another man using a cat to be his facial hair. Making links with the past, I should be a time lord...
For those of you that already know whats going down, keep it a surprise for everyone else. I'm sure certain people I know will shit themselves with happiness when they find out whats going on...
With the time that i've had by myself to think, i've been setting myself some goals to acheive. Most of them I probably wont actually reach, but at the time I thought I needed something to aim towards. At the moment, I feel like i'm a lost sheep, wandering around with no real aim in my life.
I need to find something i'm good at, and pour all my energy into it, so I can actually acheive something worthwhile in my life.
If you hadn't noticed, i've been in one of those deep thinking, soul searching kind of moods...
I haven't filled people in with what i've been up to recently. Probably because it's been a whole lot of fuck all...
To tell the truth, i've been applying for jobs, going to interviews, getting rejected and playing golf. Nothing too exciting, but I thought i'd let you know anyway.
It's also been a while since i've had a good rant. Finally, i've found something that has significantly pissed me off enough to make me rage.
Todays rant topic is: People with prams.
I admire people who have children, as it is something I too want to do in the future. I also have no problems with parents taking their children out shopping, or for a walk. It's infact a beautiful sight to see mother and baby out in the sun bonding.
However, what I do have a problem with is when they come out in gangs of about 5 of them, walking side by side down the pavement, as slow as humanly possible, making it impossible for those of us walking at a normal pace to get past.
Instead, I have to walk into the road, dodging double-decker busses and taxis, just to continue with my day without killing either myself, or the people infront of me.
Would it be too much to ask for these people to walk either abit quicker, or not side by side across the pavement, so people can get past them without having to walk into the road? I think not.
They even manage to piss me off when the child comes out of the pram and can walk. Some don't seem to care where the fuck their child runs, but then shouts at me when they start crying because they didn't look where the fuck it was running, and ran straight into me.
If they're going to have a child, atleast fucking control it when it's in a public place. (Easier said than done, I know, but atleast try to make an effort).
Rant over.
Hopefully going to start updating this abit more often. I feel i've been neglecting this recently. I'm disappointed in myself..
I remember one of my original posts on here, with a picture of a man who had used cats to replace his missing facial hair. Here is another man using a cat to be his facial hair. Making links with the past, I should be a time lord...
Sunday, 21 August 2011
Deep, moody shit
I've been meaning to update this for the past few days, but have never been in the right mood to actually write anything worth reading (or stuff that makes sense).
Today is my first time being home alone in the new house in Chester, so i'm sitting in the dark, listening to my chilled out/inspirational playlist (Mostly consisting of John Mayer, Cat Stevens, some Aerosmith and DCFC) , some shit i've been thinking about recently is coming to the surface.
Hold tight motherfuckers!
You know that time when you're in bed, but not asleep? When all the lights are off, theres no sound (apart from the occasional ambulance or police car screaming past at top fucking volume) and you're mind is drifting to different things.
It's a very good time to think about stuff, and due to my fucked up sleep pattern, i've been spending several hours in this stage, so i've been thinking about some really random stuff, in a vain attempt to get to sleep.
Most the time I end up thinking about all the mistakes i've made over my life, or confrontations i've encountered that I could have handled differently. Occasionally, my mind wonders onto the future, to things that could happen, things that I would like to happen. But then I crash back down to reality, and to my really uncomfortable mattress.
I've even been thinking of ways I think I can change myself to perhaps better myself in life? Or maybe just to appease others.. Then I think "Why the fuck should I change to make others happy?" I'm not gonna lie and say i'm completely happy with the way I am at the moment, but I don't think I should have to change to make everyone else happy.
Thank god there are a few people that sometimes show me this, despite how drunk they are when they tell me...
I've also been thinking of questions i'd like to ask people, just to hear the answer. Some questions I really don't need to ask, becuase I already know what the answer is. But it's nice to hear it be said to you sometimes, apart from on special occasions...
Philosophical/deep Tom moment over for now...
In other news, for those of you who were interested, I think i've finally got a solid idea for a design for my tattoo I want to get. I know i've been talking about it for a long time, but considering i'm going to have it for the rest of my life, I wanted to put some serious thought into what I get, and make sure that i'm happy with it.
I've even started thinking of ideas for more tattoo's, once i've got this first one...
Now all I need to do is find a decent shop, get an actual design and then start saving up!
Since i'm here and writing away, i've just had this thought I wanted to jot down. I've just been flicking through my Facebook, and i've noticed I really don't have that many pictures of myself. I could sprout off a whole list of reasons for this, with the fundamental one being that I don't like having my picture taken. However, I think (during my endless thinking sessions) i've worked out why that was. I used to be horrendously self conscious. And I think it's time to change, for my own good rather than others.
Something is telling me right now that the moral of this blog is that I need to do things because I want to do them.
I always find it difficult to write and ending for an entry on here, with it always sounding like a clichéd pile of wank.
All I can do is aplogise for being a moody little bitch, and i'm going to prescribe myself a healthy dose of man the fuck up.
Cheers for reading and that. Hopefully next time I should be able to write about a slightly happier and upbeat subject than my current psyche.
Today is my first time being home alone in the new house in Chester, so i'm sitting in the dark, listening to my chilled out/inspirational playlist (Mostly consisting of John Mayer, Cat Stevens, some Aerosmith and DCFC) , some shit i've been thinking about recently is coming to the surface.
Hold tight motherfuckers!
You know that time when you're in bed, but not asleep? When all the lights are off, theres no sound (apart from the occasional ambulance or police car screaming past at top fucking volume) and you're mind is drifting to different things.
It's a very good time to think about stuff, and due to my fucked up sleep pattern, i've been spending several hours in this stage, so i've been thinking about some really random stuff, in a vain attempt to get to sleep.
Most the time I end up thinking about all the mistakes i've made over my life, or confrontations i've encountered that I could have handled differently. Occasionally, my mind wonders onto the future, to things that could happen, things that I would like to happen. But then I crash back down to reality, and to my really uncomfortable mattress.
I've even been thinking of ways I think I can change myself to perhaps better myself in life? Or maybe just to appease others.. Then I think "Why the fuck should I change to make others happy?" I'm not gonna lie and say i'm completely happy with the way I am at the moment, but I don't think I should have to change to make everyone else happy.
Thank god there are a few people that sometimes show me this, despite how drunk they are when they tell me...
I've also been thinking of questions i'd like to ask people, just to hear the answer. Some questions I really don't need to ask, becuase I already know what the answer is. But it's nice to hear it be said to you sometimes, apart from on special occasions...
Philosophical/deep Tom moment over for now...
In other news, for those of you who were interested, I think i've finally got a solid idea for a design for my tattoo I want to get. I know i've been talking about it for a long time, but considering i'm going to have it for the rest of my life, I wanted to put some serious thought into what I get, and make sure that i'm happy with it.
I've even started thinking of ideas for more tattoo's, once i've got this first one...
Now all I need to do is find a decent shop, get an actual design and then start saving up!
Since i'm here and writing away, i've just had this thought I wanted to jot down. I've just been flicking through my Facebook, and i've noticed I really don't have that many pictures of myself. I could sprout off a whole list of reasons for this, with the fundamental one being that I don't like having my picture taken. However, I think (during my endless thinking sessions) i've worked out why that was. I used to be horrendously self conscious. And I think it's time to change, for my own good rather than others.
Something is telling me right now that the moral of this blog is that I need to do things because I want to do them.
I always find it difficult to write and ending for an entry on here, with it always sounding like a clichéd pile of wank.
All I can do is aplogise for being a moody little bitch, and i'm going to prescribe myself a healthy dose of man the fuck up.
Cheers for reading and that. Hopefully next time I should be able to write about a slightly happier and upbeat subject than my current psyche.
Thursday, 18 August 2011
Pro-activity
It's been a while since i've last updated, so I thought i'd be "Pro-active" (Oh yeah, I referenced the title. Deal with it.) and update you dedicated readers on what's been going down.
Tuesday night I was coerced into going out, despite most people knowing how much I generally dislike going out. Either way, I manned up, fixed up, looked sharp and went out.
We started at Lakota, and eventually moved onto RB's, for the big gay rave.
In one night I saw some rather odd looking people, and discovered that I don't like rave music. However, the cheesy party tunes that were on before that were ok.
Got chatting to someone who I haven't seen for a while, which was pretty cool, but I entivitably did classic night out Tom and went home. Had a quick chat with "honest Liam" later on, and learnt some cool stuff.
However, I digress.
I spent Wednesday crushing some more civilizations on Civ 5, and then went out for a meal in the evening. All-in-all, not too eventful, so again, I shall move on.
This morning I had a job interview at Chester Radio Taxis. I expected it to be a fairly in depth interview, however I was shocked to find that the interview was over after about 5 minutes.
They also seem impressed by the fact that I can build computers. They are the first people i've ever met to be genuinely impressed by that. What a day brightener.
Just been shopping in Chester, which in itself was abit of a trial. Bought a couple of books, which I probably shouldn't have bought, but fuck it, I did it anyway.
One of them is aptly named "Can't be arsed", which really reflected how I was feeling at the time. Winner!
As much as I don't want to admit it, I actually enjoyed myself a little bit the other night. Might have to try going out again soon, hopefully when i've got abit more money. Need to make bank bro!
I think my little chat with "honest Liam" has given me abit of a confidence boost. I can walk around with my head held a little higher, and with a small spring in my step. Need more times like that.
So that was my week. Pretty uneventful, but life goes on. Half the house are going to be absent this weekend, as they're all sodding off to V festival, leaving me with a lonely weekend at home alone. I should probably be used to this by now. A fair excuse to just watch TV and play games in my boxers. As a good welsh friend of mine would say "That's lush as fuck."
It's been a while since i've posted an amusing picture, so here is one i've found from my collection:
Enjoy! x
Tuesday night I was coerced into going out, despite most people knowing how much I generally dislike going out. Either way, I manned up, fixed up, looked sharp and went out.
We started at Lakota, and eventually moved onto RB's, for the big gay rave.
In one night I saw some rather odd looking people, and discovered that I don't like rave music. However, the cheesy party tunes that were on before that were ok.
Got chatting to someone who I haven't seen for a while, which was pretty cool, but I entivitably did classic night out Tom and went home. Had a quick chat with "honest Liam" later on, and learnt some cool stuff.
However, I digress.
I spent Wednesday crushing some more civilizations on Civ 5, and then went out for a meal in the evening. All-in-all, not too eventful, so again, I shall move on.
This morning I had a job interview at Chester Radio Taxis. I expected it to be a fairly in depth interview, however I was shocked to find that the interview was over after about 5 minutes.
They also seem impressed by the fact that I can build computers. They are the first people i've ever met to be genuinely impressed by that. What a day brightener.
Just been shopping in Chester, which in itself was abit of a trial. Bought a couple of books, which I probably shouldn't have bought, but fuck it, I did it anyway.
One of them is aptly named "Can't be arsed", which really reflected how I was feeling at the time. Winner!
As much as I don't want to admit it, I actually enjoyed myself a little bit the other night. Might have to try going out again soon, hopefully when i've got abit more money. Need to make bank bro!
I think my little chat with "honest Liam" has given me abit of a confidence boost. I can walk around with my head held a little higher, and with a small spring in my step. Need more times like that.
So that was my week. Pretty uneventful, but life goes on. Half the house are going to be absent this weekend, as they're all sodding off to V festival, leaving me with a lonely weekend at home alone. I should probably be used to this by now. A fair excuse to just watch TV and play games in my boxers. As a good welsh friend of mine would say "That's lush as fuck."
It's been a while since i've posted an amusing picture, so here is one i've found from my collection:
Enjoy! x
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