Today is my first time being home alone in the new house in Chester, so i'm sitting in the dark, listening to my chilled out/inspirational playlist (Mostly consisting of John Mayer, Cat Stevens, some Aerosmith and DCFC) , some shit i've been thinking about recently is coming to the surface.
Hold tight motherfuckers!
You know that time when you're in bed, but not asleep? When all the lights are off, theres no sound (apart from the occasional ambulance or police car screaming past at top fucking volume) and you're mind is drifting to different things.
It's a very good time to think about stuff, and due to my fucked up sleep pattern, i've been spending several hours in this stage, so i've been thinking about some really random stuff, in a vain attempt to get to sleep.
Most the time I end up thinking about all the mistakes i've made over my life, or confrontations i've encountered that I could have handled differently. Occasionally, my mind wonders onto the future, to things that could happen, things that I would like to happen. But then I crash back down to reality, and to my really uncomfortable mattress.
I've even been thinking of ways I think I can change myself to perhaps better myself in life? Or maybe just to appease others.. Then I think "Why the fuck should I change to make others happy?" I'm not gonna lie and say i'm completely happy with the way I am at the moment, but I don't think I should have to change to make everyone else happy.
Thank god there are a few people that sometimes show me this, despite how drunk they are when they tell me...
I've also been thinking of questions i'd like to ask people, just to hear the answer. Some questions I really don't need to ask, becuase I already know what the answer is. But it's nice to hear it be said to you sometimes, apart from on special occasions...
Philosophical/deep Tom moment over for now...
In other news, for those of you who were interested, I think i've finally got a solid idea for a design for my tattoo I want to get. I know i've been talking about it for a long time, but considering i'm going to have it for the rest of my life, I wanted to put some serious thought into what I get, and make sure that i'm happy with it.
I've even started thinking of ideas for more tattoo's, once i've got this first one...
Now all I need to do is find a decent shop, get an actual design and then start saving up!
Since i'm here and writing away, i've just had this thought I wanted to jot down. I've just been flicking through my Facebook, and i've noticed I really don't have that many pictures of myself. I could sprout off a whole list of reasons for this, with the fundamental one being that I don't like having my picture taken. However, I think (during my endless thinking sessions) i've worked out why that was. I used to be horrendously self conscious. And I think it's time to change, for my own good rather than others.
Something is telling me right now that the moral of this blog is that I need to do things because I want to do them.
I always find it difficult to write and ending for an entry on here, with it always sounding like a clichéd pile of wank.
All I can do is aplogise for being a moody little bitch, and i'm going to prescribe myself a healthy dose of man the fuck up.
Cheers for reading and that. Hopefully next time I should be able to write about a slightly happier and upbeat subject than my current psyche.
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