There is something about being home alone that is strangely enjoyable. There's something fantastic about doing what you want to do, when you want to do it, without people getting all up in your joint about it. However, social contact with other humans is still needed, to stop me from going insane. This is something that almost happened in Chester, when my day almost ground to a halt, and i started asking myself some deep-assed questions, like the meaning of life, and why we exist.
I couldn't think of any answers, and went back to watching endless repeats of shit on 4od.
I've started to lose my way abit with blog writing. Back in Chester, it was likely that something would happen during the day, whether it be a wasp attack, or some crazy observation from my window that i could write about. However, my days at home have been surprisingly uneventful, and so trying to produce a blog out of nothing can sometimes be difficult. Thus i have decided to include this picture...
As of yesterday, i've started getting back into listening to metal music. Whilst being at Uni, i started drifiting from listening to it, but still considered myself to be "part of the scene". When looking at my top 25 most played in iTunes, i did not see one single metal song, and was disappointed in myself.
The even more depressing thing is that i cant remember why i stopped listening to it! I fell in love again as soon as i put on the first song. I just love the chugging bass, heavy as fuck breakdowns and blast beats, they're so fucking awesome.
There's so much new stuff i need to catch up on too. Gonna take some time, but i know it's gonna be fucking sick...
I also know that i want to go to more gigs. I've missed going to them. They were so fun to go to, even if they do portray a bad image for themselves.
It is my aim this year, money allowing, to go to more gigs. Just need to find someone to go with...
Slowly it seems that things are starting to come together for me. My image has changed dramatically, and i can notice so many changes in myself. I'm getting closer to looking the way i want to be.
I think i've also started to sort out the general shit storm thats going on in my head. I'm getting a clearer idea of what i want to do in life, and hopefully i'll be able to start moving towards that goal.
My mind also swings onto the subject of my hair. As most of you who reads this will know, i have quite long and crazy hair. And i've been thinking recently about "doing something with it".
Originally, i grew my hair as a way of taking the attention away from my size, and because i started listening to metal music, and i thought it'd be cool.
It caused a fair amount of upset in my family, but they learnt to accept it and things were good.
Since my shape has changed, and i feel i've matured somewhat, i've been thinking about getting it cut short. I thought it was time to "join the real world", and become a serious and employable individual.
However, i've come to feel that my hair is something unique to me, and is part of who i am. It is also a link to my youth (talking as though i'm now old). All of these reasons are making me somewhat reluctant to get it cut, but i know in my heart of hearts that at some point i'm going to have to bite the bullet and get it done.
I don't think there are many employers out there that would take me seriously with this mop, and if i've any hope for my future goals, i think it is one thing that i'm just going to have to man up and do in order to acheive them.
I'll keep it for a little longer though...
Again there has been no rant, mainly due to the fact that i've done nothing and been nowhere to make me significantly angry enough to let lose all over the page. I can feel something brewing though. Hopefully something epic.
I'd love to get some more readers for this blog, so if you could find it in your hearts to perhaps subscribe, or to suggest this to other people to read, and get them to subscribe too, i'd be forever in your debt.
I leave you today with an image including a man that i grew up with. A hero almost, who essentially nurtured my love for animals and nature. Steve Irwin.
His untimely death shocked the world. However, i know he died the way he lived, with animals in his heart...
x
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